Thanks For Your Generosity

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just wanted to say many thanks from Caroline and I for your extremely generous sponsorship of her 29 Mile Swim in May for the RNLI. Your contributions mean that she has already doubled her target of £100, which is fantastic.

I’ve added a group entry to her page for everyone who contributed yesterday to go alongside John and Paul who’d done their contribution via the site.

Thanks again for your generosity, it is very much appreciated by us both and the RNLI.

Pie & Pickles

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The first qualifier of the season brought out a near maximum turnout with 9 of the 8 ballers out early doors. What is normally a pain free process of entry fee paying in the pro shop was anything but this morning. To much merriment, especially from Stan, Fordy managed to achieve a 6 shot handicap reduction without hitting a ball. So much for Mike and Paul’s pick for the season long handicap reduction competition. Not surprisingly Fordy looked shell shocked on the first tee and for the rest of the day.

With cookies and pickles distributed and a very complicated 3 team competition agreed, Mike was very grateful to Tim for pointing out that we aren’t playing on the winter tees any more. Cheers mate.

Teams were as follows :

Team 1 – Mike, Chris, Steve B
Team 2 – Stan, John, Ron
Team 3 – Tim, Paul and Fordy

Team 1 had a very uneventful first few holes, some woeful tee shots on 3 meaning no nearest the pin marker was required, the 4th produced a quality up and down from behind the right greenside bunker by Chris for a 3 pointer. A near lost ball from Mike on the 5th was found just in bounds by the yellow tee markers on the 6th. Chris and Steve flirted with the water on 6 but Chris scraped into the cavernous bunker front right of the green however Steve’s rolled back into some jungle in the hazard from which there was no escape. A few hacks, grass flying everywhere, but the ball refusing to move meant a swift pickup (the beauty of stableford) and instead we watched Chris expertly getting out of the deepest bunker on the course at the first attempt. Well done.

Some delaying tactics by team 1 on the 8th gave team 2 a chance to admire some excellent approaches to the 8th green as they wandered down 7 to play their shots. It was great to see some appreciation of perhaps the only good shots that team 1 had played to that point. Mike then delayed sufficiently to allow Tim to get a good look at team 1’s first birdie of the day. Cries of “great birdie, but don’t go getting any more” were taken in good spirit.

Prior to team 1 putting out on 8 Steve gave a driving masterclass in his buggy. He’d forgotten that he’d not got his usual buggy and was in one of the clubs massive ones, and this combined with the complete oversight that there was no point in parking the buggy by the yellow tees on 9 when the white tee is 50 yards back up the side of Everest, proceeded to produce a display of driving that will long be remembered by those who witnessed it. Making full use of the reversing siren whilst another group were putting on 6, he managed to reverse all the way back to the corner of the path, execute a 25 point turn, then approaching the white tee steps realised he was facing the wrong way, proceeded down the 7th fairway round the back of the 7th green, round the portaloo, back down the 8th and parked up back in front of the 9th tee. And all that only took about 15 minutes.

Despite the delay unusually all 3 tee shots on 9 found the fairway. Mike then tried a shot that he thought was well within his repertoire, but which quite obviously wasn’t. His tee shot was down the right side but not far enough to get a clear shot at the green. For some unknown reason he attempted a 3 hybrid shot from 210 yards out that required a power fade (some may call it a slice) to bend it round a tree onto the green. To be fair it was a great contact but the ball produced no turn whatsoever and ended pin high but about 70 yards to the left of the green on the middle of the 16th fairway. In a rare moment of quality he managed to get it up and down for 3 points.

The group proceeded down 10 with the realisation that 9:30 had passed, the halfway house would be open, and we could all feast on bacon butties and cups of tea. The thought of the upcoming picnic must have played on Chris’s mind as his usual reliable 3 shot approach to playing 10 uncharacteristically failed as a chunked 3rd found the ditch. Steve optimistically asked him if he wanted to play it which bearing in mind the ball was flush against the face of the ditch may have been classed as taking the piss.

Alas the hallway house was locked and shuttered so the bacon butties will have to wait til next week.

Chris atoned for his lapse on 10 by bouncing his tee shot over the bunker on 11, rolling it pin high to about 8 feet, truly a majestic shot to watch. Mike and Steve’s were rubbish by comparison with both finding the sand. Steve got his out first time and then rolled in a monster putt from off the green for a superb par, same couldn’t be said of Mike.

Note to Paul – The cookies were brought on the 13th tee, a very tasty Salted Caramel and Belgian Chocolate number this week. Our pickles were well and truly left in the bag.

Steve managed to conjure up a shot that I’m still unable to explain as it defied the laws of physics. It had the appearance of a shank but this normally go 45 degrees right for right handed players but Steve managed to produce one that went 45 degrees left and straight into stream down the left side of the hole. Mike’s second shot, an 8 iron from 141, started out to the right, drew towards the hole and hit the pin, rolling out to about a foot. On getting to the green there was a big repair job to be done as the ball had actually pitched on the edge of the hole and hit the flag at the same time. Would have been an eagle for 5 points and the only time that a birdie 3 for 2 for 4 seems a bit disappointing.

Steve’s tee shot on 14 pitched in front of the green and somehow managed to roll off the back, still no idea how as that must be 40 yards of roll on a par 3. Chris and Mike hit the green but neither were near enough to have any chance of a nearest the pin win.

Steve managed to embed his tee shot into the far bank of the ditch on 15 which brought the rule book out due to the latest rule change on relief for embedded balls, but alas this doesn’t apply in penalty areas, so a drop had to be taken. Still can’t see the point of dropping from knee height over shoulder height but them’s the rules.

Steve produced the longest drive on 16 but it was definitely there for the taking, which Ron did with ease. Mike did his best to wreck his card on this hole by playing a whole host of garbage golf but almost salvaged a point, which in truth would have been undeserved.

A couple of pars put us in sight of the clubhouse with the final entertainment being a detour from Steve into the wasteland that is the mound short right of 18. A few scything shots released the ball from the rough and that was that.

By the time team 2 got to the 18th green Steve had got the beers in and his sausage butty had arrived, but we awaited group 2’s putting demo with great anticipation. John played an excellent 2nd shot on to the green but then 3 putted (admittedly the first putt hopped about 5 times on the spike marks), but he subsequently proved it was no fluke by missing the same put at least another 10 times, now where can I get one of those spider putters ? Stan was disgusted with himself for 3 putting from 20 feet but Ron showed some true quality golf by getting up and down from just off the green. Great effort.

The totting up of the team scores highlighted some woeful scorecard completion from certain members of the group but eventually the results were :

Team 3 – front 9, back 9 and overall, 2 birdies
Team 2 – 2 nearest the pins, longest drive and 2 birdies
Team 1 – 2 nearest the pins

resulting in team 1 having to shell out £6 each to be shared between teams 2 and 3.

In a final moment of farce Paul obviously wasn’t happy with his 35 points so tried to get himself DQ’d by not signing his card. Mike continued the generosity that Tim had started earlier by pointing out the error of his ways and getting Paul to sign the card.

Totting up the results resulted in Fordy presenting Mike with the bandit trophy for this week, and Mike is not ashamed to say that he is wanting to keep hold of it for next week too.

Great game chaps and look forward to the next one. Results update will follow tomorrow.

24th April Match Report

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The 8 ballers struck lucky again with the weather this morning but the same couldn’t be said of the course with the early bad news being that the comp was a non qualifier again.

Undeterred there was some very early birds getting in some serious pre-round practice, but slightly concerning was Tim tampering with his recently acquired Ping driver. Tim’s previously secret sideline of expert club fitter had determined that his driver had incorrect weights in it and also needed a touch of delofting in order to optimise his ball flight. Driver now fully adjusted he strode purposefully to the tee. There were great expectations of a soaring drive to put John and Mikes woeful tee shots, which both nearly made the ditch to the right of the 1st fairway, to shame. A mighty swing and a powerful hit sent Tim’s ball on a majestically downwards flight off the first tee into the rough before the ditch, that’s the one just beyond the ladies tee and not the one that John and Mike nearly found.

To be fair he made a good recovery to record a 6 (?) but there were more tales of woe on the 2nd as Tim was forced to play a shot with some goose shit straight behind his ball and then promptly managed to hit one into the penalty area to the left of the 2nd.

Approaching the 3rd tee all 4 of the 2nd group looked on in astonishment at the nearest the pin marker that looked to be about 10 feet away from the hole, which now playing from the yellow tees rather than the winter tee, was a significantly longer beast than had been played all winter. However on arriving at the green the majestic looking marker was actually a discarded snotty tissue, subsequently deemed to belong to Chris, who was looking very Gary Player-esque in all black today, thus leaving Mike to take the 1st nearest the pin of the day, and ending his run of missed par 3s in some style (the streak had stretched to 16 holes – 7 at Sale and 9 in Scotland).

John’s tee shot on 4 had a slight left to right ball flight but appeared to defy physics when it landed by bouncing virtually 90 degrees right and only just missing the bunker. John mentioned that Pete had managed to persuade him to buy some Wilson Staff balls that had just come in to the pro shop, by saying that they were ideally suited to John’s game and that he shouldn’t pass over such an opportunity to tinker with something else. To prove it was no fluke the same ball managed to produce some Shane Warne-esque spin when landing on the 6th fairway but this time turned 90 degrees left and straight into the left bunker when it was looking to be sailing straight between the two.

One of 2 birdies for the 2nd group came on the 7th as Mike managed to blast his drive onto the 8th fairway, chip over the trees onto the green and then managed to bobble his ball into the hole courtesy of some spike marks, variable grass tufts and some worm casts, pure quality.

I’ve failed to mention Fordy at all so far as he was playing some really steady golf, the driver playing ball today and keeping him on the fairway, the fairway woods finding the greens with great regularity, and by the time that we stood on the 10 tee he had a net 31 on his card to take the front 9 by a mile from the rest of the group. John mentioned that his full handicap allowance had been used by this point which prompted a few further swing changes which did the trick on the back 9.

The rock hard greens made the 11th a tricky green to hold with Mike the only one managing it but the group knocked in at least 3 pars, with John pulling out a great sand save from the right trap.

The highlight of the next few holes were definitely the pork pies, cheers Paul, and the Sicilian Lemon and White Chocolate cookies, cheers Fordy, with the golf definitely playing second fiddle, especially on the 14th where the cries of a carry forward were deafening.

The 2nd birdie for the group came courtesy of a great drive and majestic 9 wood (got to get some praise in for the variable distance 9 wood at some point) to about 6 feet from Tim (I’m sure it sounded like it came off the toe hence taking some yardage off so it didn’t overshoot the green). The putt was duly holed and accompanied by suitable self congratulation on earning a few quid.

Andy (?) set a good marker for the Longest Drive which Tim easily passed, which John then beat, and which was then beaten by a pretty decent whack from Mike which reached level with the white tee marker on the 9th. Mike then underestimated how far his 2 hybrid would go and nearly took out the mower which was cutting back from the green towards us. Tim had his 2nd close encounter with a tree and managed to play his 3rd shot with a branch resting on his head but still knocked it pin high, and then got up and down for a most unlikely, but well deserved par.

At this point Fordy was still steadily plugging round, a nice spattering of pars, and no disasters, meaning he was well ahead on the scorecard.

An impressive nearest the pin marker could be seen on 17, perhaps 8 foot from the pin. John knocked his on the front, Tim the back, and Fordy’s just slipping off the left edge, but missing the 2nd pot bunker by about a foot. Mike took out his gap wedge and hit one straight at the pin but we never saw it land but then started to roll up the green straight towards the marker. Eventually it came to rest about 3 inches nearer the hole to complete a clean sweep of the Nearest the Pins. Fordy was then nearly taken out by some old boys playing up the 4th and it was only a decent shout from John that averted a painful blow. This put Steve off a bit and his 2nd was a bit rushed ad overhit but he recovered with a good 2 put and a creditable 4 bearing in mind what had gone on.

No real dramas up 18, a few nice pars to finish always helping to bring the troops back for another knock.

Scorecards duly completed (I’ll gloss over this part Steve !) and we retired to the bar for lunch and a few beers, with everyone wishing for the rain to appear as soon as possible, to try and keep our 1,2,3 on the leaderboard intact.

Steve returned a superb gross 91, for a net 62, which meant that he was presented with the trophy by Stan, and then quite rightly subjected to bandit cries for the rest of the afternoon, however I did think it was a bit rich that Stan and Paul were doing this, a bit like the pot calling the kettle black you might say.

The unofficial top 3 being :

Fordy – 62
Mike – 67
Stan – 68

There were a couple of early departures, who left without paying for their lunch, but all was sorted.

Roll on next week and hopefully it will be the first qualifier of the season.

Finally congratulations to the City contingent, well deserved winners tonight, but one question, how much did you bung De Gea to let those 2 in ? World class keeper my arse !

Singles and Doubles Comps

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After an extremely short discussion, post round sat in the sunshine outside the clubhouse, it was unanimously decided to reinstate Stan S back into both comps and to invite Fordy to join in both comps too. This will make us a 10 strong 8 baller group.

It was therefore decided to maintain fairness that we should redraw both the singles and doubles comps next week.

For the singles there will be 2 pre-qualifying matches between 4 players in order to reduce the 10 to 8 for the quarter finals.

For the doubles there will be 1 pre-qualifying match between 2 pairs to reduce the number of pairs from 5 to 4 for the semi-finals.