8 Ballers

After last weeks friendly knock around it was back to business for the 8 ballers, a stableford comp off the whites.

Even before the off Stan managed to produce some truly woeful organisational skills by failing to organise himself a lift. I handily spotted him on my way to the club and kindly picked him up, saving him at least a 50 yard walk (I was just crossing the motorway)

There were a variety of colourful garments on display today but once again Andy’s clown/chef trousers won the ‘most hideous clothing item’ prize (luckily no pound on this one) and just to complete a superb ensemble he had matched them with a shirt that completely clashed with the trousers (I’m not sure anything wouldn’t to be honest). Further enhanced later in the day with a pair of sandals.

With Steve B not playing the initial problem was no draw beanie hat. Stan kindly nicked John’s beloved white Ferrari cap which was then quickly replaced by a more suitable vessel being Andy’s hat.

Once again there were 2 early doors miracles. Tim failing to be drawn in the first group again, and much to the groups disgust Mike failing to miss the 1st fairway to the right. The first group out, John, Stan and Mike, all found the fairway with some excellent drives (pity this wasn’t the longest drive hole, if it was Stan would have won), with Tim kindly stating that the 2nd group didn’t need to wait for the 1st group to play their 2nds they might as well just tee off straight away.

1st – Average golf by all. Lowlight – John managing to contrive a bogey by smashing his birdie putt miles past and then missing the return.

2nd – woeful drives by Stan (over by the 3rd green), Mike (just clearing the left bunker with a proper nobber), John hitting the fairway but nowhere near his normal distance. Highlight – quality chip from Stan from near the winter green to about a foot for a tap in 5 and 2 points. Lowlight – mudball lie in a bog for Mikes 3rd near the newly filled in bunker, chunked on to the bank.

3rd – Highlight – nice 3 hybrid from Mike to about 7 feet. Lowlight – the following putt which was truly woeful. No birdie & no free balls.

4th – 3 pretty dire tee shots. Mike’s a 100 yard skier which was in the air for ages but went nowhere. john and Stan near the 2nd bunker on the right leaving the over the greenside bunker and land before the fence shot. 3 completely different ways to play the hole but 3 pars on the scorecard. John knocked his over the bunker onto the green and 2 putted (boring golf). Stan found the front edge and 2 putted (good course management). Mike crashed his into the right bunker, chipped out to a couple of feet and tapped in (bad course management but handy bunker play).

5th – You’ve seen the tremendous photo on WhatsApp so I need to say no more than John’s ball stuck in a tree.

6th – all 3 tee shots down the right (2 just out of the trees, 1 in). All again made 5 for 2.

7th – No idea what John was doing but from a great position on the right side of the fairway he managed to hit an 8 iron which was so far left of the green that it was almost in the pig farm. The second followed the same route but just came up short of the out of bounds.

8th – John played an unbelievably good shot from in the trees on the right to find the green and knock in for a par. Stan found the left side of the fairway, just missed the front of the green, chipped excellently to a couple of feet and tapped in. Mike managed the only birdie of the day for the first group and as the ball hit the bottom of the cup there were cries of anguish from Tim on the 6th green at the thought of another £1 onto the payout.

9th – Stan and John attempted to plan synchronised 2nd shots from the fairway. Unfortunately the timing was slightly off and as Stan’s second found a fairway bunker his cry of “Bunker” was right in the middle of John’s backswing meaning the planned fairway wood sailing 200 yards gloriously through the morning air and landing a foot from the flag turned into a proper nobber that just missed the fairway bunker. Apology immediately made and accepted and John still got in for 5, whilst golfing gods penalised Stan by giving him a crappy lie in a bunker from where he flew the green and ended up making 6.

10th – 3 good drives. Stan decided that the 160 yard carry of the stream for his 2nd was too risky so took the safe option of laying up and promptly found the bunker in the middle of the fairway with unerring accuracy. Although there were a few under the breath utterings it was actually a tactical masterstroke. The 3rd shot out of the bunker was deliberately left 5 feet short of the green so that the resulting 50 footer could be holed for a par. Top quality golf and course management.

11th – 3 terrible tee shots on didn’t trouble the nearest the pin marker (2 bunkers found and 1 that didn’t reach the bunkers) meant the group sat down for a well earned breakfast knowing that no birdies or free balls were happening this time round. Disappointingly thin sausages compared to normal, albeit still very tasty, were consumed and play resumed. Later it was to become apparent that the reason for the small sausages at the halfway house was because Tim had pre-ordered a Yorkshire pud complete with all of the massive sausages.

12th – As we teed off Terry’s ball majestically appeared on the 11th about 4 feet from the flag. Holed for a birdie ? Can’t remember to be honest but I’m guessing so bearing in mind the cash that headed his way in the clubhouse afterwards. Mike carved 2 tee shots massively to the right whilst John and Stan played some boring fairway in regulation golf. Mike’s first was found to the right of the tree line and remarkably a chip out, 3 hybrid to the green and a 30 foot putt meant he walked off with a par and 3 points on the stroke index 1 – still can’t quite believe that .

13th – John’s tee shot just cleared the end of the path, Stan’s was far too left and Mike managed to keep one on the fairway for a change. Johns layup was excellent. Stan’s wasn’t and still left him blocked out by the trees on the corner, albeit it was perfectly setup for one of his trademark hooked shots. Not this time – straight into the trees and just avoiding the ditches from where he found the front bunker with another piece of unerringly accurate golf. Mikes 2nd went straight through the tree, again, his chip left a putt of about 4 feet, which was duly missed and was the catalyst for a run of pretty shocking golf.

14th – No-one anywhere near the green (again). 1 pointers all round i think.

15th – Mike’s drive hit the trees to the left and just cleared the stream. Stan’s drive went straight right but just kept inside the tree line and John’s was a beauty straight down the middle. A variety of good, bad and indifferent fairway woods iron, pitches and putts resulted in a par for John and 5’s for Mike and Stan.

16th – John’s drive had a bit of fade but was a decent hit which ended up about 3 inches away from the rough on the right of the fairway. Mike smacked his into the tree to the left of the teebox and ended up about 50 yards short of the fairway. John added a 2nd par to his tally whilst Mike and Stan didn’t. Congrats to Alan who surpassed John’s mark requiring him to make a late dash to the pickup to find some cash to pay his debts and still allow him to pay for lunch.

17th – John’s tee shot had ‘on the green’ written all over it until it took a nasty bounce left and got stuck on the left bank. Stan’s shot was straight at the green for about 2 yards and then hooked its way into the left greenside bunker. Mikes ended up pin high on the top deck but only on the green by about a foot, from where the birdie putt was missed but a par made. Stan fell foul once again of the poor quality of the bunkers at the moment as his first stayed in the bunker and his 2nd was thinned over the green resulting in another blob on the back nine.

Whilst we were waiting to putt out there was a truly astonishing display of poor sportsmanship by a group of our older members on the 4th. One of the group thinned his approach to the green and ended up in the bushes behind, but from where he hit it i would have thought OOB looked more likely. Despite telling 2 other members of his group that the ball was inbounds and where it was, none were in the least bit interested, which you have to say is a piss poor attitude. He ended up dropping another ball before someone finally said his ball was ok but didn’t make any attempt to tell him where it was. Thankfully Stan came to the rescue and helped him out.

18th – Stan produced the drive of the day. His tee shot was a low hook which appeared to the hit the path on the 18th, skyed over the crud inbetween the 16th and 18th and after about 20 minutes landed on the end of the path towards the 16th green. At which point one of the local herons decided it may well be a nice lunch until it read Callaway on the side and buggered off. Fairly uneventful after that except to say that Stan’s tee shot was another superbly planned layup giving him the ideal yardage to play 2 more shots which got him onto the green leaving at least a 50 foot uphill putt to the back flag. With no messing about he stepped up and smashed into the hole for another completely undeserved par, one of a few the group had today.

Tallying up post round ended with Steve winning the overall with 37, Steve and Mike drawing front 9 with 19, Terry taking the back 9. Mike 2 nearest the pins, Terry and Tim 1 nearest the pin each, Alan with longest drive and Terry and Mike with birdies. Well done to Steve who should earn a handicap reduction for a good round, and only 15 points off the club comp winners score, shot by someone who joined the club this morning with a ludicrous handicap :-). Stan 2 took the donkey award for this week. Well done Stan.

Much to the merriment of the group Mike had to leave early for a meeting at work, finally proving that he does actually have a job, but is far better at time management than course management.

Good luck to the Hillside crew tomorrow (Chris (capt), John, Mike and Stan), and also to Paul who plays his 5/6 day members knockout semi-final against Paul who knocked me out in the last round. Kick his ass Paul.

Last major of the week next week so double points on offer to next weeks winner which will be one of Sigsworth, Edge McDonald or Rowles with a nett 64 !

There was a far more respectable turnout this week as the fair weather golfers returned to the early morning fold with 11 keen and eager golfers on the tee by 7:30 waiting for the group selection. Andy got the first dig of the day in by commenting that i’d let the side down by being last to arrive. A look at the entry sheet in the pro shop would determine that this wasn’t the case and was particularly harsh bearing in mind that Tim buggered off early doors and missed the draw.

Steve B’s beanie worked its magic again and promptly put Tim in the last group, much to Stan’s amusement, until of course they were paired together.

There was a distinct lack of warm-up this morning especially from the late arrivals, me included, who did their warm up in the pro-shop by having a chat to Mike in the warm.

Groups chosen were as follows :
1. Andy, Steve B, Mike
2. Paul, Terry, Chris, Alan
3. Stan, Stan 2, Tim, Fordy.

Mike kept his record going (that’s 2 weeks now) of not missing the first fairway to the right, I’m sure this won’t last much longer. Some very respectable golf leading to a 5 and 2 6’s. Mike’s birdie putt falling short by about an inch.

On the 2nd tee Steve was heard to say that he’d just hit his best ever drive on the hole. To be fair it was an excellent effort but unfortunately it lost a little impact as he stopped his buggy next to Andy’s ball rather than his own. He did recover the position by getting down in a tidy 5. Mike’s round started to go down hill with what was the first of a number of 3 putts which followed.

Steve followed up his best drive ever by caressing his tee shot on 3 straight into the pond. Andy was nearest to hitting the green with a wicked power fade (a hook really) which sailed out over the 2nd fairway before majestically arcing back to land about 3 foot short of the green, a delicate chip and put for a tidy 3.

As when Tim brought the original competition markers a few months back they were very much underutilised by the leading group with the result being the first of the shiny red nearest the pin markers having to be deployed in front of the green to show the quality of golf that had been played. The new markers apparently caused a great deal of grief for the following groups as they were mistaken for red penalty area posts. Can’t imagine why as I’m sure no-one could have created a new penalty area since they last played on Sunday. Further issues apparently followed with how to use them, despite their being instructions in massive letters down the side and for some reason the cover also proved to be problematic. Perhaps we need Andy G to deliver a course on how to use them so we don’t have the same problems next time.

By the time we got to the 4th tee the honour had been taken by all 3 players. Steve smashed his tee shot into the left bunker, Mike played a Andyesque power fade which looked to have cleared the bank of the Mersey but Steve, the advanced party ball finder, happily reported that the red footy golf ball had been spotted peeping out of a bush at the bottom of the bank, a good job really as the provisional had been dispatched 45 degrees right and only just missed the 1st fairway.

The 5th brought some tree-mendous golf from Steve as he played majestically down the tree line on the right of the hole before tapping in for an 8. Andy hit 3 majestic shots and left himself an 8 foot par putt which was comprehensively missed, but still resulted in a 5.

The 6th brought pars for Mike and Andy and for once no water balls, or layups into Chris’s corner.

Mike wasn’t having the best of rounds but the 7th was the real clincher. Having failed to charge up his GPS device beforehand it promptly packed up on the 7th tee, but by a quirk of fate Andy had 2 GPS watches on him, one the result of some excellent ebay bidding, the other the result of some really poor ebay-manship as he’d forgotten that he’d bid on a 2nd device which was promptly won as well. If anyone is after a Garmin S3, that I can verify works perfectly, then Andy is your man (I believe £80 was the price mentioned in the bar afterwards). To add insult to injury the heavens opened on 7 at which point Andy realised he’d forgotten his umbrella, Mike realised that in trying to get an umbrella holder extender (cheers for the tip Steve) to fit he’d actually left it at home, and Steve realised that if it rains his buggy seat gets wet which means a wet arse for the rest of the round. Andy and Mike parred this hole for to make it 2 in a row for both.

Andy extended the run to 3 pars on the trot with a nice 2 putt from just off the green, whereas Mike’s run ended having hit into the trees on the right.

Steve almost had the misfortune of not making the brook, more of this later, and Mike’s reserve ball finder Andy came into his own again on the 9th as Mikes nicely struck tee shot headed in the direction of the trees, but failed to clear them. Just as he started the long walk back to the tee Andy found it nicely nestling against the trunk of a big tree, meaning another hack out was required. Andy got onto the green in 3 but narrowly failed to make it 4 pars in a row, a nice run of quality golf.

Some nice tee shots, a lucky escape from a GUR bunker (Mike) and we ploughed our way down towards the green. Steve was heard to utter a few expletives as his ball careered towards the ditch but miraculously when we got there it was resting halfway down the bank from which he chipped out quite nicely. Now none of us saw this but apparently Stan D attempted to break the 3 wood hurling world record on the 10th, which Tim later described as a quite superb effort with the club taking a majestic arc and covering significantly more distance than the ball. Lucky it didn’t get stuck up a tree like Pete Rowles’ club did the other week (he still went on to shoot a net 45 though)

The 11th saw 2 bunker shots and an airmailed green so the second nearest the pin marker went unused.

The 12th saw mikes second clear the first bunker to the right of the green but then plug in the 2nd. His shot out clearing the green and almost going out of bounds, resulting in a woeful 6.

The 13th saw no-one anywhere near the fairway, but all the streams were avoided for a change, both Mike and Andy making nice up and downs from off the green. Andy raised a complaint about Steve’s ball finding priorities as he duly raced off down the hole to find his ball with the grass cuttings spraying of his wheels making him look like an F1 driver, but leaving Andy to search for his own ball in the bushes to the left.

Steve put his tee shot on 14 into the trees on the left but this was by far the best shot of the 3. Andy duffed his but it cleared the brook by a good 30 yards albeit travelling no more than 2 feet off the ground. Mike then duffed his too and only cleared the brook by 18 inches. Suffice to say there were no decent scores on the hole.

As the longest drive hole was approaching, and with his 0.1 increase already guaranteed, Mike decided to give the big dog an airing for the first time in a few months. A nice connection and plenty of distance but it was always heading down the left towards the trees. Cries of what happened to the hybrid followed but another hack out, chip on and a par putt sunk meant a scrambled four could justify the use of the driver. The same couldn’t be said of the 16th as his attempted longest drive just about reached the end of the path. However 2 nice hybrids, a decent chip and a fairly outrageous putt, meant another par on the card but the driver back in the bag in disgrace. Steve played one of those one in a million shots on the 16th where a graceful tree wood arced its way from the fairway towards a solitary silver birch, duly struck it and pinged back into the fairway. I’m sure I heard members bounce mentioned at least a few times.

Finally on 17 the first group brought one of the new markers into play as Mike finally hit a green, but with Steve and Andy in the front bunkers. Andy got a superb up and down before Mike knocked in for a 2 to limit the damage on the post round tally up.

The 18th was played in a fairly conventional fashion by all 3 however all managed to be at least 25 yards short of the pin and all 3 putted, a good indicator of the quality golf played.

Paul conducted his usual tally of who owed who in the clubhouse and the summary was that Tim won front, back and overall and the greedy get knocked in a birdie on 13 as well. A great round of nett 64 which hopefully will see an 8 ball comp win. Well done Tim.

Congrats to Alan who won nearest the pin on 14 and longest drive, and Paul who won nearest the pin on 3 and 11. Mike won nearest the pin on 17 and a birdie and balls, with Terry also taking some of the spoils with a nice chip in for birdie on 10(?)

No comp next week as its greens priority week so it will be an away day somewhere nearby, venue to be confirmed.

We are also looking to have an evening visit to Ashton On Mersey on Monday (4:30 to 5 tee off) – everyone welcome.

Recent WhatsApp entries from Stan and Andy have indicated the return of a rarely used secret language, as no-one else has any idea what they are talking about. This weeks match report will attempt to use this new language style to give us all some practice at trying to understand it.

3 8 Bllers gnord the dir wether forcast ths mornng nd cngregted on th frst te at 7:30. Th por turnot ment tht no drw ws rqrd. Al 3 8 bllers plyed shte bt at lest we trned up. Sausge buttis exclent. Blody far wether glfers !

Too hard back to normal (Full version at the end)

First 9 – Mike 17, Steve and Paul 14
Totals – Paul 30, Steve 27, Mike 26

So Paul took the £1 each off Mike and Steve.

Steve’s blob on the 4th included 2 oobs in succession, and Paul managed to not be oob only by a very fortuitous bounce back into play of the lower bar off the oob rail.
My majestic back 9 of 9 points included an OB on the 12th and 13th and at least an 8 on the 16th ! 0.1s all round, but at least we get some oom points 🙂

Lets hope that the course has dried out by next week and some more of the fair weather 8 ballers come out to play.

Full version (for everyone but Stan and Andy)

3 8 Ballers ignored the dire weather forecast this morning and congregated on the first tee at 7:30. The poor turnout meant that no draw was required. All 3 8 ballers played shite but at least we turned up. Sausage butties excellent. Bloody fair weather golfers !

A couple of minor miracles occurred in todays 8 ballers midweek outing.

Despite a late Whatsapp from Chris saying that he was running late, and hence needed to be in the 3rd group, he wasn’t actually the last to arrive. Technically Mike was but some serious messing around in the locker room and trolley store meant that it was Stan D who collected this weeks late arrival award. Sure Chris will have it back next week. I’m guessing Stan was looking for the mythical fairway wood that was missing from his bag at Lymm the day before, which if it had been used every time it was mentioned would have scored the group the additional 18 points needed to win that Maxitours event. We perhaps also wouldn’t have had to spend most of the front 9 looking for a Callaway ball with a shamrock on it. To be fair the ball had a charmed life and miraculously lasted until the 16th hole before it had finally had enough and dived into a weed covered ditch never to be seen again. Good team effort guys in that we missed last place.

Steve B’s beanie was todays draw hat, which was duly thrown onto the floor, can’t remember by whom, but whoever did must be congratulated because it obviously messed up the temperature regulator, meaning that despite some serious ball warming by Tim, for the first time this season he failed to make the first group, having to settle for the bridesmaids spot, and a potential slow round behind a quality first group selection of Mark, Steve F, Steve B and Mike.

Nearest the pin and longest drive markers handed over and off we went.

Mike’s driver was pulled out of the bag just the twice at Lymm the day before and proceeded to get him into trouble with some savage slices, so today it was in disgrace in the bag never to see the light of day, well for a while anyway. 2 hybrid in hand and for only the 2nd time this season Mike hit the fairway. Mark wasnt quite so lucky, this would change soon, and managed a duffed drive which just failed to make the ditch. Some good recovery play followed from everyone included a hit and hope 5 iron from the 2nd fairway by Mike which kept under the trees and somehow managed to find its way onto the green about 7 feet from the pin (yes Paul the green was clear – only because we were first out !). Birdie putt holed and Mike could continue complete in the knowledge that he’d do well to be out of pocket come JB’s tally up post round. Fordy also quietly nipped in with a steady par on the first which was a good indicator of how his round would go today.

The 2nd hole was uneventful, for us anyway, but as we moved to the 3rd tee, we saw Benny making his way to the back of the 3rd green and smacking one out on to the 2nd fairway. By the time we’d teed off, Mike just scraping onto the front to ensure the first marker was used, Benny was trying to kill us by knocking balls straight at us which fortunately caught a tree but produced a dire position for Terry’s next effort. It was no great surprise to hear that an 8 was the final result. Mark’s tee shot found the front left bunker, which was rock hard after last nights storms, a duff shot and a nice pitch and run left him a tricky 8 footer down the hill, breaking right to left, which he nonchalantly knocked straight in for a good 4.

The tricky 4th beckoned. A decent set of tee shots left the group with possibilities of birdies and pars but some woeful approach play put paid to that. Mark’s 2nd was OOB as soon as it left the club, Mike stuck his in the front right bunker, Fordy knocked his on, and Steve B produced some pitch and putt magic but unfortunately took 4 to get onto the green. Mark then dropped and produced the shot of the day with his 4th to knock it to a foot from about 130 yards out, and yes he holed out for a great 5. Mike just about managed to hole his putt after a nice bunker shot giving him his first non bogey score on that hole this year.

The 5th produced a nice par for Mark and some relatively tidy golf. Fordy’s course management was exquisite as his 3rd shot landed right next to the 6th tee allowing him to use minimal effort to chip on, putt in, and return to his bag to tee off, quality. Pity that he zig-zagged across the fairway to get there, including a shot played with his feet on the slope of the Mersey bank.

There was another OOB scare for Mark on 6 as he tee shot went straight left and none of us could see where it landed as we were blocked by the trees behind the 5th. A hundred yards down the fairway and luckily the ball was spotted about a yard inbounds. Lady luck had smiled on Mark with that one but Lady Luck then kicked him in the nuts as his 2nd was dispatched straight into the water.

After I’d played my 2nd I wandered up towards the water to see Fordy pulling a fairway wood for his 3rd to the 6th from about 75 yards. He then proceeded to play a majestic pitch shot with his 35 wood which ended up ridiculously close to the flag. I should really start to play with some irons he said after, wouldn’t bother mate its whatever does the job, so carry on with the woods.

Having teed off on 7 with balls being scattered all over the course, I looked round to see Chris playing his normal layup into the aptly named Chris’s corner. I’ll have a look there next time we play as I’m guessing there is a yard square of turf with loads of divot markers on it because I can’t remember seeing Chris not hit it down into that corner whenever we’ve played. Great course management.

The 8th and 9th were particular unnoteworthy as the group had settled into a good rhythm by then and had left the 2nd group well behind. By this time we were all becoming experts on Fordy’s driver technique as each drive produced a view for us all of where the ball had marked the driver face. To be fair the majority had been dead centre which leads me to ask how come he gets so much height on the ball with a normally lofted driver. I’ve no idea what the answer is but it worked today as his steady golf continued throughout the front 9.

Mike and Mark both hit decent drives on 10 which gave them the tantalising opportunity to get on in 2. Mike hit probably his best shot of the day and bounced it 3 yards in front of the green and rolled on. Mark’s 2nd was an ugly, really low flighted, hooking fairway wood which looked destined for the ditch 99 times out of 100. He walked disconsolately forward only to find that lady luck had reappeared and his ball was halfway between ditch and green. Sausage butty orders placed and putts were duly holed.

The usual excellent sausage butties consumed (well by me and Steve B anyway) meant it was nearest the pin time, or not as the case may be as the group failed to get anywhere near, wouldn’t the last time :-). Steve B had a bit of a mare on the 11th. Tee shot into the gorse bushes, reload into the ditch, and eventually walked off with a 10, a poor effort to try and take the title off Stan 2, and then duly declared that he was NRing until he realised there were still 2 more par 3’s left. He then net parred the stroke index 1.

Lady luck changed allegiance on the 13th as Mikes 2nd passed straight through the tree near the bridge and dropped onto the green. What looked like a 6 as the ball left the club ended up being a nice 4.

the 14th nearest the pin was also left unused but Fordy still managed par as an exquisite chip from the right of the green left him an easy tap in.

The 15th produced 3 spectacularly bad tee shots, all short and left. The 3 players in questions will remain nameless, but my ball was in the middle of the fairway :-). Steve B’s 2nd was duffed into the stream but he recovered with a stylish fairway wood from a thick drop to smack it straight down the fairway.

Another embarrassing effort on 16 as none of us hit the fairway so had to leave the marker on the teebox with some melted chocolate and salted caramel cookies, kindly paid for by Stan D this week. Cheers mate.

A moment of magic from Fordy on 16 as he knocked in a 25 footer for par and then apologised for a shouted expletive that I hadn’t heard. No need to apologise it was a great putt and great par.

Finally a nearest the pin marker was deployed. Mark’s tee shot was on line with the pin all the way, rolled tantalisingly past the hole but dribbled of the back by about 3 inches. Fordy knocked his on the front and then it was Steve B’s turn. He mentioned his hole in one and then also stated that he hadn’t hit the green since. This was duly erased from the record books and he claimed the early lead in the nearest the pin comp. this lasted about 5 mins as Pat from the 2nd group knocked his pin high. Mark’s 2nd from just off the green always looked 2 inches too far right to have any chance, but with the ball rolling just 2 inches from the hole it took a straight left turn and dropped in for a birdie and some free balls. I’ve still no idea how it went in but they all count.

By this time it was well hot so we deployed some ready golf, finished out, and then waited about 20 mins for Tim’s slowcoaches to catch up with the 3rd group about an hour behind taking into account how long it took JB to get to the table to do his usual tallying up. In the end Tim got bored and did the honours.

All in all a good days work, and a special mention for Fordy who produced a really steady round and even when he knew he was nett under par managed to keep on the bogey train and walked off the course with a net 66, which beat Mikes 66 on back 9 countback, and hopefully might win him the Tennant Trophy if the 2 who beat him aren’t 5/6 day members. Well played Steve, great effort today and a first reduction of the season to go along with the Bandit trophy.

Stan D turned shy, probably for the first time ever, for the presentation but eventually the official photographer Tim ‘David Bailey’ Tighe managed to capture an image for posterity (well the WhatsApp group). No such problem for the donkey trophy which Chris gleefully handed over to Steve B.

Roll on next week, a white stableford I believe was mentioned

A humid morning greeted the 8 ballers this morning. Adding to the usual crowd were Mark Tancock and Andy Graham.

Despite their very close defeat in the WGBT trophy first round at Cheadle last night Mike and John still made the now customary meetup time of 4:30am. Even at this time space in the practice nets was very hard to come by.

Tim was also back from his hols and despite having experienced near 60 degree temperatures whilst there didn’t seem to mind what must have felt like a winters day by comparison.

John provided this weeks draw cap and despite the noticeable amount of ball warming going on to get out first, Tim still managed to maintain his impressive record of first group starts. He was joined by Mark and Andy. Andy was sporting some truly majestic red, white and blue trousers which attracted some fairly scathing comments from all and sundry, but were fully compliant with the clubs dress code. Sadly the shirt outside the trousers wasn’t, so this had to be addressed prior to tee off.

Three straight drives and they were off.

The 2nd group drawn was Terry, Stan D, Paul and Mike, leaving John, Andy G, Steve F and Stan S to make up the 3rd group.

As the 2nd group moved to the tee box the greens staff informed us that we had 2 minutes before the automatic sprinkler on the first tee came on for testing. You can’t make this stuff up can you. Hurry up golf and we were all off without a soaking.

Paul had quite rightly insisted that first tee etiquette was followed and invited Mike to the tee to hit his usual slice to the right of the green. Now Mike’s driver has been woeful for weeks now, as John will testify from yesterday, so it stayed in the bag and out came the trusty 2 hybrid. Unbelievably it delivered a nice straight shot that I believe is the first time that Mike has hit the first fairway this season. Its good to give the grass down the right a chance to recover. Stan played his usual hook over to the left of the fairway, Terry a bit of a fade to the right and PDiddy almost boringly now found the middle of the fairway.

Mike’s drive was the longest so having waited for the other 3 to play their seconds he decided not to further incur the wrath of Paul (its only been a month since the eagle incident) and decided to wait for the green to clear. From 230 yards this seemed doomed to failure but a nice strike and a very favourable roll of the bank on the left greenside bunker meant he was on in 2, so cheers Paul for the bollocking the other week and obviously a lesson learned.

As we approached the green we were disappointed to see the first group not yet having teed off despite having finished off on the first about 5 minutes before. Yes there was a little dampness in the air from the 4 sprinklers on the tee firing masses of water on to it but we all agreed that it was unnecessary delay of game and they should have just sucked it up and got on with it. Mike failed to make Eagle from about 20 yards but was happy to tap in an 18 inch birdie put to ensure that he was safe in the knowledge that he was unlikely to be out of pocket on the day.

The first provisional of the day came on the 2nd. Mikes hybrid from the right rough was right all the way, hit the tree near the stream and no one had any idea where it went. A provisional was dispatched into the right green side bunker. Eventually the first ball was spotted in the middle of the fairway, a definite members bounce, but Mike failed to take advantage and dispatched his 3rd over the back of the green for a miserable 6. Shot of the hole was Terry’s recovery shot from the penalty area to the left of the green which was unbelievable bearing in mind the garbage he had to play from and the fact it stopped 10 feet from the pin.

Tim had regained some respectability by bringing the nearest the pin markers this week, lost a bit by having no papers on them, and the whole 1st group lost more by not hitting any shots good enough to require its use. The same couldn’t be said of the 2nd group. Devo dispatched his to the front of the green, this was immediately beaten by Mike, Benny then hit a beauty which looked a winner all the way, and Paul didn’t let the side down by dispatching his to the green too. I can’t remember any game I’ve played in where all 4 players have hit the green on the 3rd, even off the winter tees. Well done lads.

At least 5 minutes was wasted trying to determine whether Mike or Terry’s ball was the winner but despite a flag measurement by the independent adjudicators Stan and Paul, no winner could be declared. 3 flag lengths and 6 inches being the joint winning distance. No birdies scored though.

The 4th produced a bit of a shocker from Benny who copied my feat from last week by dispatching one over the out of bounds fence by a country mile.

A pretty uneventful 5th, apart from Terry’s 2nd which was caressed deep into the trees, led us to the 6th.

4 great tee shots including a mysterious 6 iron play from Mike gave a very professional look as all 4 balls peppered the middle of the fairway. 4 nice 2nd shots of varying distance looked as though we’d have 4 balls on the green but alas Mike’s second just rolled off the back. 3 pars followed but inexplicably Stans first put steamed past the hole leaving him just too much to do to make par. Terry was disgusted to miss his birdie putt (perhaps 8 feet) and this really was the story of his round, and Pauls, in that loads of putts just scraped the hole but wouldn’t drop.

The easy 8th (well some times) proved Stan’s undoing as a tree bound tee shot required a chip out off the tree roots, which jarred his wrist. A 3rd into the bunker, a thin into the hazard, but a truly superb up and down from the back of the 9th tee meant a mere 7 was registered.

On the 9th Mike made the mistake of getting the driver out in order to play his usual power fade round the corner, but instead put one flush into the left hand bunker. A bunker to bunker shot, a duff bunker shot, poor chip and 2 putt undid most of his good work over the previous holes. Terry however played a great fairway wood 2nd shot which stopped just between the green and the left greenside bunker. Who needs to be on the putting service when you just smash it in from off the green for a great birdie.

Half time gross scores – Mike 40, Terry 42, Stan 44, Paul 46. Half time report – not too bad at all.

Despite the 3rd group having been nowhere near us all round John decided that we’d probably missed his moaning so came over and rang the bell on the 9th and told us to get a move on. Cheeky git !

Halfway down the 10th Stan mentioned that Andy’s trousers looked better the further you were away. A fair point as we were probably 300 yards away from them and at this range you could remove the welding goggles without fear of any retina burn.

We had the first, and only, club throwing tantrum of the round soon after. Paul had hit his 2nd down the left and despite a members bounce out of the trees which definitely avoided a lost ball, found himself snookered by the lone pine down the left. An attempted stinger under the branches hit the face of the ditch on the full and dropped in. The hammer throw launch of the club looked graceful but only achieved a paltry 5 yards of distance (i’d suggest a higher launch angle next time) but only when I’m not stood down range. Luckily I’d assessed his throwing skills and had retreated a full 10 yards just for safety.

Pre breakfast tee shots resulted in Paul being the only one of the 2nd group to knock it on the green, the other 3 finding different bunkers. Much the same as the first group as the nearest the pin markers was positioned to the side of the green again. Once again no birdies.

The 12th produced a woeful tee shot from Mike which went straight left and made a resounding hit on the shed out of bounds left. The reload found the middle of the fairway to be followed by a massively chunked 6 iron which miraculously bounced 40 yards short of the green and managed to roll up the hill to end pin high. The putt was dispatched for a 2nd ball honorary birdie, which unfortunately doesn’t get any cash, but a quite nice 5 all in all.

During this time Paul’s tee shot just missed the ditch to the right, and when I say missed I mean about 6 inches. An interesting watch from the fairway as Paul tried to find a stance where he could knock on to the green but good sense prevailed and a nice recovery on to the fairway prevented an early bath.

The 13th produced 2 tee shots down the left and 2 down the right. Stan was blocked out down the left but played a lovely hook that bent round the trees on the corner, bounced in front of the bridge, over it, and nestled just short of the green. Mike’s 2nd was much easier, a 7 iron from 150 just left of the tree and onto the green. Unfortunately this was how it was meant to be played, the reality was a thinned 7 iron, too far right, that hit the tree and ended in the stream. Stan proceeded to knock in his 5th 5 in a row and his 8th in 9 holes, beating Mikes 4 4s in a row from 5 to 8 quite easily. We all love consistent golf even if it doesn’t happen very often.

Mike was the only player to make the 14th green, another unused nearest the pin marker awaited us, but it was only about 6 inches on and 30 yards from the flag. At one point his 3 playing partners were all in the captains bunker, quality golf. No 2’s surprisingly.

The 15th was noteable for 4 good drives on the fairway but only 1 2nd shot hitting the green, well done Stan.

On the 16th Paul far surpassed Andy’s marker, that he had so lovingly positioned on the fairway whilst we watched from the 13th. He waited so long we thought a photographer might be arriving. Stan’s drive went further but just dribbled off the fairway. Paul then fell foul of the longest drive curse and put his 2nd shot into the bunch of trees to the left, requiring his 3rd to be played with a branch in his face, which produced a bit of a scuttler which didn’t clear the trees. The result being a few quid for the longest drive but an 8 on the card. We all thought John would beat that mark by a mile but he found the rough to the right and then tried to convince us that he couldn’t see the edge of the fairway. Good effort, not !

Stan, Mike and Terry all hit the green in regulation and Mike managed to squeeze his in for a 2nd birdie of the day, both on the par 5’s which was another first.

The 17th produced shots from Mike and Terry that bounced near pin high and just trickled off the back, however Paul’s found the putting surface, pin high and about 6 feet left, making sure that the 4th unused nearest the pin marker was brought into play. However the pressure of free balls told and the putt finished about an inch away.

The 18th produced one of those magic moments when Paul’s tee shot drifted down the left and Stan said that it had hit a tree and bounced left. Paul suggested that the earth must have moved to make that happen. Sure enough Stan was right and the ball had indeed taken a favourable members bounce back towards the fairway off a tree. The look on Paul’s face was a classic.

Definitely an entertaining game today.

Of the early groups Terry and John finished with 68, but Ron out late with Chris, also scored 68 and takes the bandit trophy on count back. Well done Ron, another 8 baller added to the Bandit trophy winners list. Fordy was rumoured to have taken the Donkey Trophy that Steve B will have to return at some point otherwise he might have to retain it permanently.

John, Mike, Terry and Paul took the spoils in the morning with the money being shared out evenly between them. Stan looked disconsolate as I changed his tenner for 10 £1 pound coins which quickly slipped through his fingers as he paid out, Have to say it was quite a satisfying sight bearing in mind how much he has taken from us earlier in the season.

Pages updated following 3rd July midweek comp :

• 3rd July Result
• Order Of Merit
• Handicap Tracker

I’ve also updated the comp fees paid/owing page to reflect the cancellation of the Mersey Challenge.
For those who entered this (all but Andy) and paid their entry fee (John, Mike, Stan D, Steve B, Steve F, Ron, Tim & Paul) I’ve offset your £5 refund against any owing fees. For those who were fully paid up (Mike, Stan D, Tim and Paul) I will give you your £5 refund on Wednesday.

The final column of the table indicates your current status regarding entry fees :

• Yellow in credit – will be refunded Wednesday
• Green fully paid up with no refund due
• Red – the bad boy debtors – cough up on Wednesday 🙂

6 of the 8 ballers made it out early this morning. There was glorious sunshine, no wind, the course was in fantastic nick, in summary, excellent scoring conditions for this weeks midweek medal off the whites. Would the group take advantage ?

Stan provided this weeks draw cap and it duly produced the following 3 balls : Stan S, Mike and Andy ; Stan D, Paul and Steve F. Despite the groups being drawn in this order there was an attempted coup as Stan D tried to get his group out first. In what was to prove to be one of the highlights of the day Stan S produced a Berry-esque on the spot new rule and declared that Buggies always go out first. Unusually there were no complaints. This proved to be a huge mistake as Stan smashed his tee shot wide left and straight into the stream to the left of the bridge. Mike played his usual slice down the right, which happens so often the only thing that is less unlikely to happen is for Paul’s handicap to change. Andy completed a truly spectacular display of golf by crashing his drive into the left wall of the bridge and after a bit of pinball achieved a fairway in regulation. Mike found Stan’s ball in the brook, retrieved it with his retriever and then produced a woeful throw to Stan which didn’t make it over the brook and rolled back in, thus requiring a 2nd retrieval. By now the 2nd group had been on the tee for 5 minutes at least. Stan decided that this wasn’t enough and proceeded to take a drop and then knock it straight back in to the stream, requiring a 3rd retrieval. A top quality start.

We could tell the 2nd group were hacked off as 2 of their balls majestically found there way to the front of the 2nd tee while we were still on it.

Complaints all round on the 3rd tee as Tim had failed to return from Turkey to give us the nearest the pin markers, very inconsiderate, but handily not needing to be used as none of the 6 managed a shot to the green. Mike was a tad unlucky as his ball landed on the green about 2 feet on but rolled back to finish a foot shot. Unfortunately it was a white flag so only 30 yards short from the tee.

There then came a lesson in how not to play the 4th. Mike hit his tee shot into the trees on the right, then went for a low scuttle shot over the right bunker which stuck under the lip, an over optimistic hack out left the ball in the other side of the bunker. An optimistic wedge to the green flew over the OOB fence, the resulting drop in the bunker and the same club left the ball about 2ft inside the fence but not on the green, a chip and run on and a putt in for a magnificent 8, leaving him 6 over after 4 holes, a new record in terms of using your front 9 handicap as early as possible. Andy tried to match Mikes OOB shot but left his about an inch inside the fence with no possibility of any decent kind of connection. Amidst all this comic cuts golf Stan coolly knocked his ball in for a par, to wild celebrations, and claims that he knew he could play some good golf !

The 6th started a run of lost balls for the group. Andy’s 3rd shot found the water in front of the green. His tee shot on 7 found the trees out of bounds left, his reload found the stream to the right, and not to be outdone Mikes second flew the green and found the OOB ditch to the left of the green.

I can’t pass up the opportunity to congratulate Fordy on his magnificent 23 wood to the 6th which landed about 10 feet from the pin. It’s about time I got the chance to right something positive about that magical club so well done Steve.

Tallying up the scores of the 9th revealed some truly woeful efforts. Mike 51, Andy and Stan 56. Promises were made to do better on the back 9 but no one was confident that this would happen.

Finally there was an uneventful hole as there were 3 decent efforts on the 10th.

The usual excellent sausage butties from the halfway house were the real highlights so far, however Stan still found cause for complaint as the milk provided for his coffee wasn’t of the right quality. Everything being quite rightly blamed on that French chef.

Paul was the only one of the 6th to hit the 11th and hence took the nearest the pin rollover. The putt was missed but that didn’t detract from the excellent quality of the tee shot.

Stan’s tee shot on the 12th just managed to stay in bounds but left him no room to play any decent length shot as his ball was so close to the hedge down the side of the course. He did hack out nicely and made a good fist of the rest of the hole.

Mikes 6 iron to the 14th just managed to hold the back of the green to take the nearest the pin, this putt was also missed. Stan had made every effort to take out the greenkeeper who was hiding in the trees to the right of the 14th but his effort was thwarted by one of those pesky trees getting in the way.

Stan decided enough was enough, he felt knackered and decided to No Return, unfortunately he wrote this all over Andy’s scorecard, which required a bit of a salvage job later, hopefully this will be successful but we will see tomorrow when the results come out.

Mike set a decent Longest Drive marker on the 16th and commented to Andy that this would give Paul something to fire at. Andy was a bit miffed by this and asked why he couldn’t be firing at it. The reason being obvious once he hooked his tee shot towards Paul and Stan on the 15th. I can’t include Steve in this as he was on a magical mystery tour that started near the stream on the 15th, proceeded across the 16th past Mikes Ball and over to near the 9th tee. He did however get that magical 23 wood out again and hit a great shot straight towards the 15th green which was unlucky enough to hit the spindliest tree on the course. Mike’s marker wasn’t beaten to allow him to take the longest drive.

At this point Stan shouted across with some rather uncomplimentary comments about his playing partners who had let him play off the yellows on the 12th before letting him know it was medal off the whites. It later transpired that Stan had been so hacked off with his 5 on the 11th that he had teed off before Paul and Steve had putted out on 11 so his ire was perhaps misdirected.

An official complaint was also logged by Andy who enquired where the cookies were that now are a standard feature of the 16th, having been moved from the 13th by the introduction of the halfway house. Mike had purchased some very nice Belgian Chocolate and Salted Caramel cookies from Sainsbury’s but unfortunately had left them on the kitchen worktop at home, which wasn’t particularly useful. I promise to do better next week.

Unusually the 17th was a red flag on the flat part of the green. Mike’s wedge was bob on line but pitched on the front of the green and span off left to about 4 feet to take the nearest the pin. He finally managed to get his first 2 of the season for some balls and some birdie cash.

He made up for pars on 14, 15, 16 and a birdie on 17, by making a real hash of 18. Tee shot in the stream to the right, an over ambitious chip out left the ball in the ditch but in water this time. A penalty drop out, terrible wedge into the bunker, chip out and 2 putt for a miserable 7.

Final scores for the 6 as follows :

Stan D, Steve, Paul all finished with net 80’s, Mike 83 and Andy 85. You’d have got good odds on that result beforehand.

John went out with Chris and “2 of John’s lady friends” later in the morning and produced an order of merit winning nett 75. When he arrived in the club house I’m sure I heard a complaint saying that none of the nearest the pin or longest drive markers were still in place, which is a surprise as he only teed off 2 hours after us.

Special mention to Adam who played a few groups behind us who ended up with a gross 70, net 65, which should get him a good reduction. A round similar to when the fleeced us for about £70 last autumn.

Perhaps the biggest surprise of the week will be that Paul’s handicap will finally move away from the 17.0 that it has been fixed at all year. He, along with everyone else, will get a present tomorrow of a 0.1 increase, which will give Stan a shot back that he doesn’t want.

Onwards and upwards, medal off the yellows next week.

A majestic net 63 from Stan, including a superb 3 over back 9, easily took this weeks 10 point haul, well done Stan. The win also extended his lead at the top of the order of merit to 10 points, albeit the best 10 results rule has yet to kick in as only 9 events have been played, with only John and Tim have a 100% record.

Stan’s win wasn’t quite good enough to win the clubs midweek comp, 2 net 62’s just pipping him, but will push him further up the midweek order of merit.

The 1.5 reduction resulting from his round also propels him way out in front in the 8 ball handicap reduction competition with a now healthy 14.1% reduction so far, with Mike in 2nd place on 5.15% having overtaken Tim after his .1 increase reducing his % to 4.93%.

Paul managed to keep his handicap at 17.0 for the 157th week on the trot, surely a record 🙂

The rest of the group are all up on their starting handicaps so we’ll stop there.

A late breaking piece of news. Stan and Tim won their WGBT 1st round match tonight with a hard fought 1 up win. The champs march on to the next round. Well done both, superb effort, especially bearing in mind Stan’s ill timed handicap reduction.

Following pages have been updated :

• OOM – latest table including results up to last week
• Major Predictions Comp – including US Open result
• Mersey Challenge Competition removed
• Competition Fees Paid & Owing

Stan’s late selection of Koepka proved an inspired choice as a steady rise through the leaderboard over the 4 days left Koepka runner up to Gary Woodland at the US Open but more importantly overtook Rose, who had a woeful last round, to claim the 10 points on offer.

These leaves only 5 possible winners of the season long comp (barring a late rule change from John of course).

Paul has a 2 point lead over Ron, with Steve B a further 2 back. Long shots for the title being Tim, 4.5 points back, and Steve F, a further 0.5 back.

All to play for at Royal Portrush and the most prestige major of them all The Open (Yes Mr Nicklaus even your wrong when you call it the British Open) !